|  I think that I can honestly say right now that I am happy with where I am at. I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened, but I've realized in these last couple of days that even if something bad happens, even if I get tired and stressed and worn out, at the end of the day I don't feel need to complain about any of it- it's all small stuff in the grand scheme of things. Overall, I have things pretty good and I've been overlooking that for so long. It's taken quite a while for me to get to this point too, but no use dwelling in the past. All that will do is bring me back down from this "high" that I am on.
Why am I happy? you might ask... well, I don't exactly know why. I do know that I have a great friend right now who is always there when I need them and who always knows how to get me to smile. I look forward to spending time with this friend- possibly my best friend- because I can talk to them about literally everything and know that they care. And there is no pressure. It's been a very long time since I've felt like that and it's very refreshing.
I'm learning to put the people of my past who hurt me behind me, because dwelling on it only allows me to continue the hurt, and who wants that? For so long I have worried about hurting other people and have just let myself be walked all over, hurting myself. And while I'm still not going to go out and make rash decisions, hurting all those in my path, I am also working to no longer allow myself to be a doormat to others. In the words of my boys Rascal Flatts, "I'm movin' on".
I've also seemed to find this renewed sense of self confidence, which seems to have stemmed a lot from my decision to not date, atleast not seriously, for a while. I need to take time for me, and in that, I'm learning to appreciate myself for who I am, not judge myself on who I am not. I can never be the kind of person who pleases everyone, it's impossible! Even though I may complain about my thighs or ass from time to time, I have really come to feel comfortable in my own skin- to love my body. Because I no longer feel the need to try to impress anyone, I also no longer feel like I am inadequate. It's ironic how a small change in perspective can alter your whole outlook on life.
So, if you should see me walking around with a smile on my face, know that it's genuine. It is possible for me to be happy, I just needed the right support and the right perspective. |
